"Be willing to be a beginner every single morning." -Meister Eckhart
Why is starting something new so HARD?!?!? (SO HARD!) It is scary, and overwhelming and heaven forbid that I mess up and make a mistake. I do NOT like making mistakes! I do not want to participate in anything that I am not already good at, thank you very much. It's a flaw. I know. It's something I have to recognize about myself and then push through this fear of making mistakes or disappointing someone on a more regular basis than I care to admit.
A couple of years ago for Christmas my stepmom got me an electric smoker. I was equal parts terrified and excited. Here is why, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that every single person in my family would eat smoked food (insert all the praise hands and heart eyes here because it is a rare occasion where all 6 of us are happy with ONE meal, if you know you KNOW). But I didn't already know how to smoke meat. Like it's BIG deal. I knew enough to know if I spent $50 on a brisket and then smoked that thing for 12+ hours and it didn't turn out like I imagined, it would be enough to make me not want to ever smoke anything ever again because I clearly can NOT do it if it didn't turn out perfect on my first try. I would like to tell you here that I would never ever have to deal with this kind of expectation I place on myself, but I am LEARNING to be more gentle, more gracious with myself. I am learning that as an adult I still don't know all of the things and I am trying to learn how to teach myself new things. You know how you do that? By starting new things, and failing, and smoking meat that you end up throwing out but then adjusting your approach and you TRY AGAIN! So, I looked at that smoker, and I remember telling my husband, "I am going to learn how to use my new smoker, I am not going to be afraid to learn how to use it". I remember him saying "good for you". I think he and I both knew that this was the teeny tiniest of baby steps but it was still a step. And I did it. I started small, and my family and I LOVE smoked chicken legs now. The first recipe I took the time to try over and over until I got it right. Now I am not afraid to make them for friends and extended family.
I am still working on it. I do not want this same "flaw" of mine of being afraid to learn and try new things to be passed down to my kids (and I already see it taking shape in them). I want them to see me learning, growing, taking risks, putting myself out there and striving to be made new every single morning. I want them to see me making mistakes and swallowing my own pride and owning up to them, and then taking steps to make things right. I don't want my mistakes to mold me, and define me but I want to learn from them and do better next time. The bible tells us: "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23) What if we would allow ourselves to be gracious and merciful not just to others but to ourselves? What if we could use our failures and shortcomings as opportunities to learn and grow and face each morning willing to begin again? Instead of letting the fear of failure keep us from doing something great.
Today I am choosing to re-define my life, my legacy, my perspective. Redefine according to Merriam-Webster is "1. to define (something, such as concept) again: reformulate. 2 a: to reexamine or reevaluate especially with a view to change. b: Transform." So again, that word transform. Over and over again, my thoughts are being pulled to the scriptures. Again, Romans 12:2 "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." I believe that God wants me to allow myself to be made new every single day. Everyday I get the opportunity to wake up as a new creation, learning and growing and being made new, EVERY SINGLE DAY. What will I allow to define me today? What will you allow to define you today? Will we conform and be typical? Or will we be transformed, learning and growing in His love and presence every day? The word I am choosing for today is rejuvenate. One more time with the definition (I know, I am a nerd, but hang with me here.) "1 a: to make young or youthful again, give new vigor to b: to restore to an original or new state". Can you imagine what the world would look like if we would be "made new", rejuvenated each and every morning and we walked out our front doors into this dark world intentionally looking for God in every single interaction we have? Using every encounter as a witness, learning and growing and loving? That right there is enough to change the world.
I am still NOT a fan of making mistakes....but I'm working on being more gracious with myself when they happen. I am working on giving myself permission to make them, and when I do, not to waste the opportunity to learn from them. I want the voice in my kids' heads to be gentle, and kind, and encouraging. So, here goes...Be a beginner today, and everyday. Teach yourself how to learn. Allow yourself to be made new everyday. It is just one of the many things that I hope you know.
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