ATYPICAL

  

        I have been a typical middle class American housewife for nearly fifteen years. Writing that seems surreal to me, I don't feel like I am mature or old enough to add "housewife of fifteen years" to the resume of my life.  But there it is staring me in the face.  I have hustled and hurried and worked hard for almost fifteen (FIFTEEN!?!?!) years to achieve the "American Dream".  And you know what? I AM EXHAUSTED. I am worn out and used up. Thin. And not like the "Girl you look amazing!" kind of thin, but hollow, unhealthy and just a shell of the person that I hoped I would be.  I had arrived at the dream, the lie that I had believed that if I had the marriage, the house, the car, the kids, the dog and that I was doing all of the right and good things, I would be happy.  But I wasn't.  This hustle and hurry and prove and accumulate style of life I was living was not leaving my heart satisfied, but empty.

    Let me break it down just a bit. I am a wife, mother of four pretty great kids, owner of a dog, some chickens, and an occasional stray cat that I tend to take in.  We went to church, we did the sports, we hung out with friends, we did day trips and checked off all of the boxes on our little bucket list of American Dream items.  I drive a minivan and 3 of my 4 kids play soccer.  I am quite literally a soccer mom and all that entails.  I would describe my life as typical. Typical.  I have kind of been on a kick of looking up the meaning of words, because I have been trying to be intentional with the words that I choose.  So, I looked it up.  According to Merriam-Webster typical is "1 a: combining or exhibiting the essential characteristics of a group b: conforming to a type 2: constituting or having the nature of a type." Yikes.  I have recently become ashamed that this is the main word that I would use to describe myself until recently.  I sat there after I looked it up, and red flags went off in my mind.  I have been so easily conforming to chasing the "American Dream" and I didn't even realize it.  And that word conform.  I knew that word.  "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind" I knew those words and God brought them to the forefront of my mind.  And I struggled over that verse, and the life that I had built.  And I was ashamed. Ashamed that I had let this be the definition of my life.  

    At the time I was also listening to the audiobook Present Over Perfect by Shauna Neiquist and something she said hit me.  It was more than an aha moment, more like a knock the wind out of you from the inside out kind of hit me.  It STRUCK me, and my heart sank.  Here's what she said, "This life that you're building is entirely your creation, fashioned out of your dreams and fears.  What do you want? What do you love? What ways of living have you simply acquiesced to because it seems smart or practical or easy?  Are those the best words to describe how you want to live?  If I'm being honest I let words like responsible and capable govern many of my years and what good are they?  Words I am choosing in this season passion, connection, meaning, love grace, spirit.  The world will tell you how to live your life if you let it.  Don't let it.  Take up your space, raise your voice sing your song.  This is your chance to remake a life that thrills you."  I realized that I related to this a thousand times over.  And I had begun to let what "they" think of who I am and what I do rule over my everyday.  If anyone finds this "they" please let me know because I want to tell them ever so loudly that "they" are no longer the boss of me, or my life.  "They" no longer have power and authority over how my life is defined. So from here on out, I am choosing new words to define me, to set the boundaries of my life by and today I choose to be ATYPICAL.  I hope you will join me on this journey of building the life that I choose, without (much) consideration of what "they" think of me.  I hope you will remember that "they" whoever "they" are do not have to be the boss of you anymore either.  Its just one of the many things I hope you know.